Some of you may read the title of this article and say “um duh… of course hiring someone to help around the house will improve your life” but you may not realize how and how much it can change your life for the better. Especially if you are a parent who works outside the home, working with a Household Assistant (“HA”) can make a huge difference if you can get over the mental (and financial) hump… but more on that below.
I started working with a Household Assistant even before I started HomeHQ, when my kids were just 2 and 0.5 years old. At that time, I was working at Amazon Web Services as a Technical Product Manager and my husband was working in management consulting. And here’s what that change has done for my life:
Impact #1: Things that used to pile up before (laundry, dishes, etc) just get done.
Pulling rumpled t-shirts out of the laundry bin. Rushing into the kitchen at 5:30pm to whip up dinner only to find the kitchen still a mess from breakfast. Reaching for that milk carton only to remember that in the rush of picking up kids, you forgot to stop at the grocery store.
Working with a Household Assistant who has regularly scheduled sessions in your home means that these frustrating moments can be (largely) a thing of your pre-HA past. Weekly Household Assistant sessions means now that there is a regular rhythm for how basic household tasks get done – for example, Monday and Tuesday sessions are when laundry is run, folded and put away. When I go into the kitchen to prepare dinner, the dishwasher is emptied, pans are already washed and counters are wiped. My kitchen is stocked from the weekly HA run to the grocery store.
Impact #2: I have more focused time for work and family.
I’ll be honest here – I still spend a good amount of time rushing around when my kids get home from school, unpacking backpacks, pulling dinner together, going through the mail. But my days when our HA is here is much more focused than the days when she is not. On days when she is not, I still need to clean up from breakfast after I drop off the kids in the mornings (I largely work from home). I still need to schedule in laundry folding (because my kids are too young to leave clean laundry alone when they are around). I need to squeeze in a grocery shop before pickup or go with them, which inevitably results in me forgetting something because I’m also trying to manage my children in the store/ getting extra treats that my kids spot during shopping/ some kind of spill happening 🙁
While these things things still happen from time to time, with my HA I have larger blocks of time to focus on my work outside our family and when I’m with my kids, more physical and mental energy to focus on being present with them. And with my partner, we have more time to relax together since our evenings aren’t completely consumed by household chores that we’ve just saved up for the end of the day.
Impact #3: There’s less conflict between me and my partner.
And speaking of partners, having a Household Assistant has reduced the level of conflict and resentment between me and my husband. Prior to getting a HA, we were often in a state of low-key conflict about who did or didn’t do what. “Argh, he never remembers to wipe the table down.” “Ugh, she forgot to pick up this thing we need.” “He doesn’t help enough.” “She’s always irritable.” The truth was, it was too much for us to handle between demanding jobs outside the home, two young children, a house that needed attention, and an expectation of a certain standard of living (for example, fresh meals, relatively clean home and clean clothes :p). Once we got help from a Household Assistant to take on some of these tasks, we had more energy to do the rest and for each other. It also was a way of making visible the work that needs to be done around the house and dividing it more equally- if not in time, through paid support.
Impact #4: We have a better quality of life (we eat better, things are cleaner and more organized).
Prior to working with a HA, life could get frustrating as two working professional parents. We both worked hard, in and out of the home, and we made good money but why did our day-to-day life feel so threadbare? We ate mediocre takeout on a regular basis. We lived in a house that was chronically disorganized and dirty. We pulled out rumpled clothes from a hamper. Our plants were dead from lack of watering.
Once we started working with a HA, our quality of life improved. Our house is still disorganized in some ways but the most important stuff gets done (for example, throwing out old food!). Our clothes are clean and in place when we need it. We eat more fruit and vegetables because our HA helps us meal prep.
Some common objections and why they don’t make sense (a lot of the time)
I find that three of the main reasons why people don’t work with a Household Assistant are:
- It costs money
- It seems “bougie” and they feel self-conscious
- It’s not a magic wand
Let’s take the money issue first. Yes, hiring a Household Assistant is not a trivial recurring expense. Our smallest package of 6 hours per week will run you about $1,100 per month. Hiring any reliable person for any kind of job is not cheap, especially in the United States. However, you have to ask yourself 1) can I afford this? and 2) what do I get for this? There are certainly many situations in which financially, signing up for this type of support is not possible. But I would argue that if your household income is above $300k per year and you are in a period of life where household tasks are overwhelming, you should consider getting a HomeHQ Household Assistant or a service like this one. What you get in return are greater peace of mind, greater energy for your work outside the home and for your family and a better quality of life.
The next two objections are more interesting. Even if a family can afford to get help, I find that some are reluctant, especially women in my non-scientific sample. When I probe about this reluctance, I get mumblings about feeling self-conscious about having someone in the house to help with laundry, tidying and meals. It seems “bougie”. But the fascinating point for me is why is it considered weird to get help chopping vegetables but perfectly fine to spend money eating out (often much less healthy food)? Why is it considered ok to get a house cleaner but not someone to help with the laundry? My sense is that people’s discomfort harkens back to an older time when domestic help was treated poorly, paid next to nothing and exploited without many other options. However, we live in a pretty different time now. HomeHQ HAs are paid significantly above Seattle’s minimum wage, which are already one of the highest in the country. I care deeply about treating our HAs fairly and with respect, not only because this is just right but we need to do so to attract the best candidates.
Lastly, the “it’s not a magic wand” objection is also common. It goes something like “getting a HA won’t solve all my problems, so why bother?” On the face of it, it’s clear that this objection doesn’t make any sense. Isn’t getting significant relief better than getting none, even if it’s not complete? But at some level, I also can empathize with people who feel this way because I was also once there. When you are very burnt out, you start engaging in very black-and-white thinking. That person is good or bad. I can do this all the time or not at all. The irony is that often these are the folks who can most benefit from getting help because they tend to be the most depleted. Yes, getting a HA will not solve every burden in your life. It will cost money. It will require a slightly different way of doing things. But will it help you achieve more peace, more margin, more energy? It almost certainly will.
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